Update #69

In 7 days, we'll be in Florida with my family.

Ahhh…I can't wait.

In case anyone has a moment of feeling jealousy over that, let me help you get over that real quick:

What lies between now and 7 days from now is daily radiation at Roswell. 

I'm pretty confident that I just cured you of any ounce of jealously you may have had, right?

Yeah, I would think so! :)

So…the medical update from last week is that my doctor is willing to try one last "Hail Mary Pass" on non-infusion based treatment.  For the next two months, I'll be taking an older, slightly different hormone-based therapy.  In two months I'll be scanned again and, if the disease is still progressing, then it's infusion chemo for me.  In addition to these daily pills, today I started the first of 10 radiation treatments to my right hip in order to both reduce pain and attempt to slow localized progression of disease.  

Thankfully, the side effects of both these things (new therapy & radiation) are fairly inconsequential.  

Oh, wait. Forgot to mention that "excessive weight gain" is the most common side effect of the new drug I'm taking.

Not just weight gain, but excessive weight gain.  

Oh goodie.  Just what I've always wanted. 

So….how am I doing with all this?

I thought I was handling all this pretty well actually.  

That is, until yesterday, when I was by myself on my way home from Roswell.  

I was driving in the right-hand lane of I-190 and was behind a car that was driving 56 MPH.  And, sure enough, in the lane right next to me, there was an 18-wheeler driving 56 .1 MPH. 

So, there I was.  Stuck behind these ridiculously slow vehicles 

(Yes, I know, the speed limit is 55 MPH, so technically those vehicles…yeah, yeah, yeah…blah, blah, blah).  

About 15 seconds after realizing my unfortunate predicament, I (without warning, and totally surprising myself) started to scream my head off at the ridiculousness of their slowness.  

I mean, I was SCREAMING at those cars.  

My body hunched over my steering wheel, my fists pounding the seat, my eyes spilling over with tears, my face red.  My voice hoarse.

As I screamed, "Get. Out. Of. My. Way."  

Can you picture this craziness?

I was seriously off my rocker.

I was just so so MAD. 

I was just so mad at these stupid cars that were blocking my path.  

That were slowing me down. 

That were taking away my choice.

That were preventing me from going at the pace I want to go.

So mad.

Okay, so who has figured out that I wasn't really mad at those cars?

That, perhaps, my crazy anger wasn't really about those two law-abiding drivers? 

Yeah, it took me about 30 seconds to realize that too.

The truth is that cancer sucks and going to Roswell is difficult.

It can feel as if I'm behind obstacles that I cannot move.

It can feel as if I don't have the choices I want.

It can feel as if I can take a different path at the pace that I want to take it. 

And that's hard.

And it's hard working through that.

But God is good and He's got this. He's at work. He knows the path and He knows the pace.  And He's trustworthy.

So thankful for that.

So…to wrap this up…As I continue to work through this "slight anger problem", you may just want  to be on the look out for a very dirty gray Honda Odyssey min-van with a blond, pony-tailed driver and stay far, far away!  :)

Love to you all,

Kristie

Update #57

Just a quick one today…

#1  Radiation is OVER!  Super thankful that I was able to get a daily appointment time at 8:10 AM so the impact to my kiddos was minimal.  Super thankful that the side effects were minimal.  Super thankful that those lovely green accessories on my legs can now be removed.  Not super thankful that my quad and hamstring muscles didn't particularly like being radiated and they feel as if they've been fairly severely pulled.  They say that it should get better "over time", but I'm actually in more pain now than I was before.  Nothing two advil can't take care of, tho, so we're still good.   Ahh…the joys of treatment. :)

#2  Zambia is ON!  Long story, but I made a decision to go to Zambia. It's actually a cool story, but not one that fits into "this is a quick update" category. Suffice it say, it's not a "bucket-list" decision (I don't believe in bucket lists) nor is it a stick-your-head-in-the-sand-and-pretend-there-aren't-risks decision; rather, it's an obedience-to-God's-leading decision.  So…I, and 4 others from my church, will be gone from 8/20-8/27.  Other than the long travel times (JFK – Johannesburg, SA is 15 1/2 hours!), there's nothing about this trip that causes me any worry or concern or even the slightest furrowed brow feeling.  On the flip side, I also don't have any expectations as to what I will experience or what God has for me to be a part of when I'm there.  My biggest prayer is that this time away matters for eternity. Oh, and that I don't get yellow fever. That's also a prayer.  Because getting yellow fever or meningitis or malaria or typhoid, well…that would just stink.  :)

#3  Reprieve from Roswell for the rest of the summer.  Because of being away, I actually have a 5 week break from Roswell!  I don't return until 9/6 for scans and the 9/11 for my appointment with my oncologist to see what might be going on inside my body.  This break feels glorious.  And I will take it with open hands and a grateful heart. :)

[And, yes, if you've been counting…that's three smily faces in one email.  Can you tell that I'm thrilled to be done with Roswell for a little bit?] 

Enjoy the rest of your summer, my friends!

Love,

Kristie 

Update #56

Quick one today. 

Three things:

One Big Praise! Chad spoke truth this weekend at church. It was an honor to listen to him. Even more so because I have seen first-hand - and time and time again - that he actually lives out that which he shared.  In this mess of cancer, Chad is patient and worshipful. He perseveres & battles to keep his feet firmly planted in faith.  He chooses to daily trust in the unchanging character of God.  What a blessed girl I am to have him!  If you have about 30 minutes and want to watch a potentially tear-jerking video from me (a letter to our kids that I read aloud), listen to Chad's talk, and hear me bumble thru an ending, you can go to www.wchamburg.org.  

One Ugh!  I am starting radiation to my left femur on Wednesday. I will go every day (M-F) for two weeks.  The side effects are expected to be minimal. However, the decision has been difficult to make because my pain levels, while slightly increasing, are still VERY low and, although the actual treatment only takes minutes, the entire process of driving in/out, parking, etc. will take about 2 hours out of each day…time away from my kiddos.  

One Help! I have been presented with an opportunity to go on a missions trip to Zambia.  There is some significant concern by my doctor that it is an unwise move because of the vaccinations that I must get in order to go. I am torn about what to do.  Although I will be getting only inactive (non-live) vaccines, there is risk that my cancer meds will interfere with the efficacy of the vaccines. I need to make my decision by tomorrow.  Yikes!  If I do go, it will be from about 8/21 – 8/28.   I'd love your prayers for wisdom on this…

Thanks, friends!

K.