Update #58

It's been a whirlwind August. 

From my parents' cottage to Ocean City, NJ with Chad's family and then back to the cottage. Home for two days then off to Zambia for a week. Back home for a couple of days and then off to the cottage again.  And, as of this morning at 8:32 AM, off to school. 

Whew.

I wouldn't have changed a thing. 

And I won't be anything but grateful for the opportunities given me. 

You see, in the spring when I realized that my meds were probably no longer working, I thought the only medical options left involved the throwing up kind of chemo.  And therefore I thought that my family and I might have a tough summer. Back in April, when I risked looking ahead and thought about what might lie before me, I never imagined that August would look like the way that it actually ended up being.  

Perhaps a trip to Ocean City. 

Perhaps time at my parents' cottage.  

But never in a million years did I think it would also include a trip across the world to Zambia. 

Change that: A trip to Zambia feeling great, feeling healthy. 

Not throwing up.

And definitely not bald. 

I could tell you a million things about Zambia – and I probably will tell you more as the days go forward – but for today, I'm going to let one picture speak the proverbial 1000 words.

I took this picture as I sat outside reading my Bible and listening to worship music on a beautiful, cloudless and crisp (yes, crisp!) morning in Zambia. I didn't take it to have a cool picture. I took it because, as I was sitting there, I realized it depicted perfectly some of the hard-to-explain-with-words complexities of my life: 

The emotions of being both grateful to be fully alive, yet having a still so very tender and hurting and confused heart over the loss of Laura.  

The humility of knowing all my human frailties and imperfections, yet the joy of realizing that those don't disqualify me from participating God-directed things. Things that matter.

The tension between wanting to live a comfortable, easy, ho-hum life and  also wanting to be part of an unknown, often costly, adventure following after a loving, but not always "safe" God.

The illogical role of Scripture in my life…a source of great comfort, excitement and peace, yet at the exact same time, sometimes a source of mystery, frustration and challenge. 

I could probably say more, but then there goes the 1000 words to 1 picture ratio, right? :)  

So let me just say this: above all what this picture represents for me is the freedom to live.

Whether that's in Zambia or not. 

With Laura or not. 

On a beautiful, sunny morning or not. 

This picture reminds me that, through Christ, God has given me – and you – the opportunity to live fully.

Even when things are unknown.

Even when things are scary.

Even when things are hard.

I love that.

That's the stuff of hope. 

So, my friends…thanks for taking a few minutes out of your day to read this.  If you have a few minutes more, I'd love to ask for your prayers… Headed to Roswell tomorrow for scans and blood work.  I'll hear the results next Wednesday.  

Pray that I'll be brave and grateful. 

Thanks!

K. 

Update #57

Just a quick one today…

#1  Radiation is OVER!  Super thankful that I was able to get a daily appointment time at 8:10 AM so the impact to my kiddos was minimal.  Super thankful that the side effects were minimal.  Super thankful that those lovely green accessories on my legs can now be removed.  Not super thankful that my quad and hamstring muscles didn't particularly like being radiated and they feel as if they've been fairly severely pulled.  They say that it should get better "over time", but I'm actually in more pain now than I was before.  Nothing two advil can't take care of, tho, so we're still good.   Ahh…the joys of treatment. :)

#2  Zambia is ON!  Long story, but I made a decision to go to Zambia. It's actually a cool story, but not one that fits into "this is a quick update" category. Suffice it say, it's not a "bucket-list" decision (I don't believe in bucket lists) nor is it a stick-your-head-in-the-sand-and-pretend-there-aren't-risks decision; rather, it's an obedience-to-God's-leading decision.  So…I, and 4 others from my church, will be gone from 8/20-8/27.  Other than the long travel times (JFK – Johannesburg, SA is 15 1/2 hours!), there's nothing about this trip that causes me any worry or concern or even the slightest furrowed brow feeling.  On the flip side, I also don't have any expectations as to what I will experience or what God has for me to be a part of when I'm there.  My biggest prayer is that this time away matters for eternity. Oh, and that I don't get yellow fever. That's also a prayer.  Because getting yellow fever or meningitis or malaria or typhoid, well…that would just stink.  :)

#3  Reprieve from Roswell for the rest of the summer.  Because of being away, I actually have a 5 week break from Roswell!  I don't return until 9/6 for scans and the 9/11 for my appointment with my oncologist to see what might be going on inside my body.  This break feels glorious.  And I will take it with open hands and a grateful heart. :)

[And, yes, if you've been counting…that's three smily faces in one email.  Can you tell that I'm thrilled to be done with Roswell for a little bit?] 

Enjoy the rest of your summer, my friends!

Love,

Kristie 

Update #56

Quick one today. 

Three things:

One Big Praise! Chad spoke truth this weekend at church. It was an honor to listen to him. Even more so because I have seen first-hand - and time and time again - that he actually lives out that which he shared.  In this mess of cancer, Chad is patient and worshipful. He perseveres & battles to keep his feet firmly planted in faith.  He chooses to daily trust in the unchanging character of God.  What a blessed girl I am to have him!  If you have about 30 minutes and want to watch a potentially tear-jerking video from me (a letter to our kids that I read aloud), listen to Chad's talk, and hear me bumble thru an ending, you can go to www.wchamburg.org.  

One Ugh!  I am starting radiation to my left femur on Wednesday. I will go every day (M-F) for two weeks.  The side effects are expected to be minimal. However, the decision has been difficult to make because my pain levels, while slightly increasing, are still VERY low and, although the actual treatment only takes minutes, the entire process of driving in/out, parking, etc. will take about 2 hours out of each day…time away from my kiddos.  

One Help! I have been presented with an opportunity to go on a missions trip to Zambia.  There is some significant concern by my doctor that it is an unwise move because of the vaccinations that I must get in order to go. I am torn about what to do.  Although I will be getting only inactive (non-live) vaccines, there is risk that my cancer meds will interfere with the efficacy of the vaccines. I need to make my decision by tomorrow.  Yikes!  If I do go, it will be from about 8/21 – 8/28.   I'd love your prayers for wisdom on this…

Thanks, friends!

K.