Thursday, February 27, 2014

Update #69

In 7 days, we'll be in Florida with my family.
Ahhh…I can't wait.

In case anyone has a moment of feeling jealousy over that, let me help you get over that real quick:
What lies between now and 7 days from now is daily radiation at Roswell. 

I'm pretty confident that I just cured you of any ounce of jealously you may have had, right?
Yeah, I would think so! :)

So…the medical update from last week is that my doctor is willing to try one last "Hail Mary Pass" on non-infusion based treatment.  For the next two months, I'll be taking an older, slightly different hormone-based therapy.  In two months I'll be scanned again and, if the disease is still progressing, then it's infusion chemo for me.  In addition to these daily pills, today I started the first of 10 radiation treatments to my right hip in order to both reduce pain and attempt to slow localized progression of disease.  

Thankfully, the side effects of both these things (new therapy & radiation) are fairly inconsequential.  
Oh, wait. Forgot to mention that "excessive weight gain" is the most common side effect of the new drug I'm taking.
Not just weight gain, but excessive weight gain.  
Oh goodie.  Just what I've always wanted. 

So….how am I doing with all this?

I thought I was handling all this pretty well actually.  
That is, until yesterday, when I was by myself on my way home from Roswell.  

I was driving in the right-hand lane of I-190 and was behind a car that was driving 56 MPH.  And, sure enough, in the lane right next to me, there was an 18-wheeler driving 56 .1 MPH. 
So, there I was.  Stuck behind these ridiculously slow vehicles 

(Yes, I know, the speed limit is 55 MPH, so technically those vehicles…yeah, yeah, yeah…blah, blah, blah).  

About 15 seconds after realizing my unfortunate predicament, I (without warning, and totally surprising myself) started to scream my head off at the ridiculousness of their slowness.  
I mean, I was SCREAMING at those cars.  
My body hunched over my steering wheel, my fists pounding the seat, my eyes spilling over with tears, my face red.  My voice hoarse.
As I screamed, "Get. Out. Of. My. Way."  

Can you picture this craziness?
I was seriously off my rocker.

I was just so so MAD. 
I was just so mad at these stupid cars that were blocking my path.  
That were slowing me down. 
That were taking away my choice.
That were preventing me from going at the pace I want to go.

So mad.

Okay, so who has figured out that I wasn't really mad at those cars?
That, perhaps, my crazy anger wasn't really about those two law-abiding drivers? 

Yeah, it took me about 30 seconds to realize that too.

The truth is that cancer sucks and going to Roswell is difficult.
It can feel as if I'm behind obstacles that I cannot move.
It can feel as if I don't have the choices I want.
It can feel as if I can take a different path at the pace that I want to take it. 

And that's hard.
And it's hard working through that.
But God is good and He's got this. He's at work. He knows the path and He knows the pace.  And He's trustworthy.
So thankful for that.

So…to wrap this up…As I continue to work through this "slight anger problem", you may just want  to be on the look out for a very dirty gray Honda Odyssey min-van with a blond, pony-tailed driver and stay far, far away!  :)

Love to you all,

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