Is it possible that Wednesday is here again and 4 weeks have gone by since my last visit to Roswell? Hmm...what word would I use to describe how I feel about going there tomorrow?
No. That definitely isn't it.
My appointment is tomorrow morning at 8:30. Almost positive that I'm going to be getting two shots in the tushy, but the rest of what's going to happen is unknown to me. (BTW who would have thought that anticipating two shots in the bum is the easy part of your day?) While I don't have any scans to go over with my doctor tomorrow, I probably will have some decisions to make about what to do next in terms of treatment. Bottom-line is that I need wisdom that I don't have.
So the overall prayer request is that God would provide some serious wisdom. If you're looking for specifics, these are the things that I may need to make decisions about:
1. I may have to decide if I'm going to get the infusion of the bone strengthener tomorrow. I didn't get it last month (funny story, actually, as to why that was...almost learned the hard way that, if you pass out when being stuck with a needle, they call a "code" and lots of docs and emergency staff come running to your room. I held on to consciousness by a thread so I escaped that lovely attention!). And I'm not sure that I want to get it again. Long story, but let's just leave it as I'm not sure that this medicine hasn't negatively impacted my body vs. positively impacted my body.
2. I may have to decide if I'm going to get re-scanned. I know that my doctor will recommend that I have new scans in June, but I'm not sure that I want to. Why? Well, that leads me to my 3rd prayer request...
3. If scans don't show progression, then I will keep doing what I'm doing. If they do show progression, then I'm not sure that I would choose to do anything about that now. I know; it sounds crazy. Believe me. I know this. You don't entertain not doing anything medically about a scary diagnosis unless you've thought long and hard about it. So...not to bore you with my logic, but.... the central question is: when do you decide to put nasty toxic chemo into your body and make yourself feel yucky, impact your ability to live a full life, and cause damage to the healthy parts of your body? When do you decide to do that when you don't feel yucky at all now? In fact, other than some aches in my back/pelvis, I feel pretty good. A bit limited in exercise, but that's it. I don't necessarily feel "right," but I don't feel sick. Chemo would change that. And during the summer with the kiddos home...yuck.
Ahhh...can you tell that my mind has been working. Trying not to "run ahead" if you know what I mean, but also trying to be prepared. Sometimes a tough balance. Thankfully, as fast as my brain has been moving, God has been ministering to my Spirit and reminding me that He is trustworthy. A line from my favorite devotional keeps bringing me comfort...
"Live in trusted dependence on My limitless resources." - Jesus.
In trusted dependence.
on His limitless resources.
One final thing...for those who have been in prayer for my best friend, Laura, during this past almost two years with her own journey with cancer...guess what? We've done it again; we've (unknowingly) kept it simple for you: My appointment is at 8:30 tomorrow and her follow-up appointment is at 8:45. Prayers for both of us would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks and I'll be in touch tomorrow to let you know how it goes.