Thursday, December 18, 2014

Update #86: Eye

Well… I learned something new yesterday that I wish I didn't know:  you can get breast cancer in the eye!  

Apparently there are two small cancerous lesions on the back of my eye that are, most likely, metastatic breast cancer lesions.  I'm not sure what the treatment plan will be at this point for that, but I know that today at 10 I head off to chemo to start a new medication and I will connect with my doctor sometime this afternoon.

When I came home yesterday and told Emilie that it is, in fact, the cancer that's causing problems in my eye.  Her response was hilarious.  

Emilie: I didn't want to tell you, but I thought so.
Me: Why did you think so, Em?
Emilie: Well because you have cancer in your bones and in your lungs so I figured it had to be cancer in your eye too.  Ya know; 3 strikes and you're out.

[Slight pause] 
Emilie: Hey Mom?  What's for dinner?

I totally laughed. I'm not sure why, but I thought that that was just about the best response I could have gotten from her.  Such a matter-of-fact acknowledgement of the pervasiveness of this disease.  Yet, such a glimpse into the fact that, because we've been dealing with this for so long, it's just a part of our life. 

And then…a few hours later.  I wasn't laughing any more.  After a very frustrating evening trying to help Daniel with difficult homework – with eyes that really weren't working because they were dilated from the trip to the neuro-opthlamologist – I finally passed the homework baton off to Chad andI went upstairs and into my closet, laid down under my hanging clothes and sobbed like a baby.  Having a heart-broken tantrum, in fact.  

I told you this would be a messy journey!
From laughing  at 4 PM and being "okay" with this new news.
To sobbing at 7 PM and being anything but okay with it.
Nutty, right?

More later my friends,

P.S. Chemo was long, but went easily today.  I will meet with a Radiation Oncologist tomorrow at 1 PM to hear a treatment option. 

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