[Do you like the new subtitle I've added to the Update #??? :) ]
So…here's what I know medically so far: I will start a new chemo drug on Thursday morning. I'll get it once every three weeks and the potential side effects are what you would expect in a chemo drug. How exactly it'll impact me is yet to be seen. Because this drug is harder on your heart, I'm getting an EKG today to get a baseline on my heart health. I don't expect there to be any issues, but I guess I need to leave room for a 5th Ugh! As for my eye…I learned today that breast cancer can metastasize to your eye. Oh how fun. I will meet with a neuro-opthalmologist on Wednesday at noon to have a better idea if cancer is causing my eye problem or something else.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
On Sunday we were at church. We're all standing singing a song. A great song. A song I love. And as I'm standing there, my body is starting to tell me that it's getting tired and wants me to sit down.
"No, I can't do that. I want to stand and sing. And besides you're supposed to stand and sing. If I sit down, what will people think?"
As I"m having this conversation with myself, all of a sudden I realized that I let something so important slip to the background.
This church is my family.
And this sanctuary is like my family room.
If I were at home with my family in my family room and I felt the need to sit down, I'd do it in a heartbeat without apology. What's more is that I wouldn't even think twice about asking someone to get me a blanket so that I could snuggle under it and take a nap.
While I wouldn't expect someone to fetch me a blanket in the middle of the morning service(!), I was reminded so clearly that that's what church is supposed to be: a family. A family that cares for one another and loves one another and sets aside "what we should do" for "what we need to do". It made me fall in love with my church all over again. And it made me wonder if someone today needs to know that church isn't supposed to be the place that you wear your "Sunday Best" and put on your "best face" and follow a program to know how much longer it will be. A place you just walk in and walk out. I can promise you that Jesus would run far, far away from that definition and beg and plead for us to return to what "church" was in the years while He walked this earth and in the 1st century following His resurrection.
He would tell us to
Just come.
As you are. As you really are.
Like a little child.
Loving one another.
Walking with one another.
Teaching each other.
Encouraging each other.
Giving to one another.
Laughing and crying with one another.
Praising His name together – whether that's done standing up or sitting down or laying flat on your back because all your eyes want to do is close.
That's church.
How I pray you thirst for it.
How I pray you experience it.
How I pray you participate in it.
How I pray you treasure it.
Yes, my friends, this journey is super hard. Yet, I know that I don't walk it alone and that lifts my heart.
Be back in touch on Wednesday or Thursday.
Love to you
Kristie
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