Friday, July 19, 2013

Update #55

I just reconnected on Facebook with a college friend. She reached out to me after finding a link to the blog where all these updates are also posted. In her message she said that she had a sleepless night and read through almost all of the updates from start to finish. 

At first I was flattered that she would invest her time doing that.  
But quickly I realized that perhaps she read them because she was desperately trying to fall asleep and that darn sheep-counting exercise just wasn't working as well as reading updates #1-#54! 

Funny, right? 

In all honesty – and I'm trying to say this as accurately as possible so that it isn't misinterpreted - while as much as I truly appreciate anyone spending time reading these updates in one sitting, there is something about that that is a bit troubling to me.

Reading updates #1-#54 takes about an hour or two. 
Living them out has taken over 3 years.

And there's something incredibly real that is lost by looking back and reading update #54 just minutes after reading update #53 when, in actuality, it took 27 days of moment-by-moment living in order for Update #54  to be written.  There's something lost by being able to start from June 24, 2013 and read backward to May 6, 2010.  There's something lost about just clicking on "Next Page" and waiting 0.5 seconds for the page to load in order to find out what happens.  

You already know how the story has gone.
You already know the outcome. 
You don't have to wait and wonder and wait and wonder. And wait and wonder.
You don't have to live in between the updates.

And that's the total opposite of what actually occurred in order for an update to be written:
I had to live in order for there to be anything to write about in an update.

In between the updates is what living is all about. Is what faith is all about. 
About waking up each morning and choosing to trust Him.
About ending a day realizing you didn't end up trusting Him very well that day.
About wrestling with Him over what might happen in the coming days and weeks and months and years.  
About spending time in His Word, remembering His promises and His character and the blessings He's already abundantly provided.
About surrendering all the "what-if" questions to the One who has proven Himself trustworthy. 

Absolutely; there is much gained by reading someone's faith story journal from back to front or from front to back in one sitting.
But there is some that is lost. 

And that bothers me a little.  
Because I don't want anyone ever thinking, for one second, that I am just a compilation of my updates, a series of snapshots, a set of pretty postcards. 
Because I'm not. 
I'm a girl who has to decide – each morning, each evening, each moment - if Christ is who He said He is, and can do what He promises, and can offer hope that lasts and joy that permeates and peace that settles and calms.  

And so do you. 

While you might not have to write updates, you, like me, still have to make daily choices on how you're going to live. About what you're going to believe. About what life is all about. About what you do when you fail. About where your eyes and heart and mind rest when things are unknown and difficult and not how you'd love for them to be.

That's the real stuff of living.

And on Saturday night and on Sunday morning (3 times!), Chad and I get the opportunity to share more about this.  
About encountering God in the midst of the real stuff of living, even when that real stuff of living is hard.  
How it's messy and beautiful and frustrating and comforting.   
Ultimately, how we can still experience the mercy and compassion of God.

If you've got nothing to do – or if you have a million things to do, but sense that this may be something that's important for you to hear – you're welcome to come.

Once again, I end with this: I appreciate you more than you know.  


Wesleyan Church of Hamburg
4999 McKinley Parkway
Hamburg, NY 14075

Service Times
Saturday night at 6:30 
Sunday at 9:15 (smaller, traditional service in the Chapel), 
Sunday at 9:30 and 11 (in the big worship center)

(Children's Sunday School Offered at each service)
Connect with me if you have questions


  1. I love this post Kristie. And I couldn't agree more...although our struggles are different (mine is infertility) I too have to choose (sometimes several times in a day) to trust God, His promises, and His have faith. Love you, girl & am praying for you!!

  2. Well said! I definitely needed to hear this for I, too, struggle daily.