It's a shocker….
Ready for it?
"Wait and see."
Actually, the news was a bit harder than just a neutral wait and see.
The reality is that - while the CT shows no change and my tumor markers are back in the normal range - one test, the bone scan, shows that there is probably mild disease progression in a few places on certain bones in my body. To help shed more light on the bone scan's results, I just had today an x-ray of my left femur and both hips to get a better look. (I'll hear the results of that tomorrow). With that mixed bag of results, the underlying question still remains: Is this probable progression bad enough to switch treatment?
My doctor (who I trust and appreciate very much) wants to wait 1-2 more months - unless my symptoms in my leg become substantially worse - before she recommends any treatment changes. The reason? Slow disease progression is still considered, medically anyway, a relatively acceptable outcome when you have a Stage IV diagnosis - especially when the treatment plan you're on has mild side effects.
While it may be medically acceptable, it's really not all that acceptable to me. Although I'm not crushed by the news I heard today - thankfully, in no way shape or form am I even close to crushed by it - I didn't like hearing what I heard. No one in their right mind would just smile and laugh at hearing the words "disease progression" strung together. Right? I'm not just a strange one in that regard, right?
Yet I also know that I, by far, did not receive the hardest news in that place today. Guaranteed. So while I don't offer a yippee over today's news, I will choose to remember that, and instead, be thankful for the easy things about my day today.
I'll choose to be thankful that I don't have to change anything medically right now.
I'll choose to be thankful for Chad rubbing my back and giving me strong, comforting hugs.
I'll choose to be thankful that the pains that I am experiencing are intermittent and most of the time don't even require a tiny little Advil to combat them,
I'll choose to see the many texts, emails, posts on FB as a tangible expression of God's love
Oh yes…there's lots to be in prayer over in this thing, but there's also lots to be thankful for too.
Above all, today was yet another can't-ignore-it reminder that my medical team doesn't have the final voice in my life. While I appreciate them - and the science under-girding their skills - they don't have the final say as to how I live my life. Why I live it the way I do. Even what's going to happen in it. That falls squarely on God's shoulders.
Thankfully, He's fully trustworthy for that job.
May I remember that and hold fast to it.
One more thing before I go TAKE A NAP (not words often spoken by me!)... I wanted to pass along something I read today as I sat in the waiting room. I totally appreciated both the challenge and the encouragement of it. Matthew Henry, in his Commentary on the Whole Bible, made a passing comment as he was offering some insight on a particular passage in Scripture. Here's what he said, "If we do not know truth, we cannot be ruled by it."
I won't say anything more about it.
But, do me a favor, and spend a minute thinking about it.
May it both challenge and encourage you too.
Thanks for your prayers and your encouragement.