Update #33 (From 12/15)

First off, my apologies for being so silent over the past few months. Some of you have wondered if you missed an update; you haven't.  Said simply, things with my health have been going well.  I am responding to this course of treatment.  My tumor markers have been consistently going down and the side effects of this type of chemo have been minimal.  For this, I am grateful.  More than I can express.   

But these few months have been - and continue to be - unbelievably difficult too.  

Because as I've gotten easy news about my own health, Laura has gotten hard news. And harder news.  And, now tonight, even harder news.  And yet, when you read her CaringBridge post that she wrote just minutes ago (see below)...And when you read it and think about what that will feel like as she steps out of her house in the morning...and when you stop and go to that place and imagine waking up tomorrow and wondering about the moments to come.  About what you'd say to your children. About what you'd be thinking as you went into your closet to get dressed, as you looked at the pictures hanging on the wall in the family room, as you passed by the kids' backpacks, as you stared out at the yard in which you have spent hours upon hours playing and laughing with your family...

Oh, are you crying yet?

Do you feel the immense, over-whelming difficulty of this moment for her, for her family? 

Have you attempted to imagine it? Imagine what you would do if you were in that same situation?

If you now find yourself with tears streaming from your eyes or now find yourself with a nasty, nasty lump in your throat fighting back those tears as you ponder the pain of all that, perhaps her words of hope jump off the page in a deeper way.   

"God is good.

He remains on His throne.

He awaits me in Heaven.

In these things I rely and trust. They have not changed.

And there is hope - hope in today and hope in tomorrow."

   

Do you see afresh why I love her so?How I am blessed beyond measure because of the countless ways God has spoken His truth through her to me?  Oh I know you see that.  And because you see it, you also see how much my heart breaks over this.  How painful it is. How devastatingly painful it is to contemplate doing life without her. 

Before I sign off, I want you to know that I hesitated sharing all that with you.  Why?  Because I don't want you to think for a second that I expect you to know how to respond.  That I think you should have the "perfect words" to respond with joy over my easy health news and respond with compassion over Laura's hard news.   If Hallmark doesn't have a card for this situation (which I'm certain they don't!), then please don't think that I expect you to have one.  There are some things for which there are no words.   I'm pretty sure this situation falls squarely in that category.  So...no words needed, but I will totally take hugs! 

Thanks, my friends.  Kristie

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From www.caringbridge.org/visit/laurarider

Hello everyone,

This unfortunately is a note I'd rather not  be writing, but as my faith-filled community who has prayed, fasted, encouraged and loved me so deeply for the last 2.5 years (and beyond), I wanted you to be aware of my current circumstances.

Tomorrow I will be going into a hospice care facility.  My pain and nausea have continued to increase, making basic life a challenge.  Recently I had switched pain/nausea medication in hopes that things would calm down but honestly, they've gotten only worse.  The progression of this disease becomes apparently obvious hour by hour.

It has been an incredibly difficult day in light of this decision.  However, God is good, He remains on His throne and He awaits me in Heaven.  In these things I rely and trust, they have not changed.  And there is hope- hope in today and hope in tomorrow.

I have led a remarkable 39.5 years of life- not one of perfection by any stretch!!, but a life that I bet some 90 years olds would trade theirs in for.  There is pain and grief, yet their is great joy and rejoicing as well.  How they combine, we can't understand, yet they do.

Thank you for you honest sharing in the grief, but thank you also for the joy and rejoicing.  Life is meant to be fully embraced and God has given me that great opportunity over and over.

As I have said all along, thank you for being the Church in action- His hands and His feet.  You have done an outstanding job!
With great love for you all,
Laura