Update #33: X-Day Tomorrow

Well...

After a great (and you could interpret that word "great" to either mean "long" or "fabulous" and you'd be absolutely correct!) delay, my chemo pills came in the mail today. 

And, it got me thinking:  I wonder if the FedEx man would have such a big smile on his face and say, "Have a good day!" if he knew what was contained in the package he was delivering to me.

Or I wonder what my new neighbor would think - that is different from the assumption that she may have made - if she knew the real reason why I received flowers today?  (Yes, they were from Laura who wanted me to have a "good" delivery instead of just a yucky chemo delivery today. Sweet, huh?) 

Or I wonder what the bicyclist thought who was trailing me for a minute as I walked down the road, headphones on, singing out loud (hopefully, not loudly or out of tune, but who knows!) if he knew that I was trying to fill my mind and my heart with the truths I know about my God instead of the worries about what tomorrow will be like as I swallow those pills.

Hmm...do I even need to say it? 

Sometimes the assumptions we make about someone may lead us to conclude something that is about the furthest thing from the truth as possible.

FedEx Delivery?  Could be something yucky.

Flowers?  Might be trying something to try to counter balance something yucky.

Singing out loud walking girl?  May be because she's desperate to remember the things she knows that are true, rather than the challenges that swirl around her. 


 

I have a friend who heard some hard news today.  Not life threatening news, but certainly life changing news.  Things that limit the activities that he's used to doing, that he loves to do, that he's dreamed of being able to do for years to come as the involved, on-the-go husband and dad that he is. 

The adjustment is going to be hard for him, hard for his family.

I'm sure that people who don't know the real reason he's sitting on the sidelines may make some assumptions about him from time to time.   They're going to be dead wrong.

You see, he'd do anything to be on that field with his son, with his daughter.  He'd do anything to be as able to take care of the workload around his house. 

He just can't.

At least for right now.

See a guy on the sidelines?  See a crazy girl walking with tears on her face?  See a floral delivery and wish that arrangement was for you?

Hmm...yep....that's stuff to ponder all right.

Love to you all

K.

P.S.  Prayers for tomorrow's first "X-day" would be appreciated...that the side effects would be minimal...that my kiddos would be extra-specially kind...that I would be able to be patient and kind if they aren't!!! :)  Thanks...

Not today...

Just a quick FYI. My chemo pills didn't arrive in the mail yesterday so I didn't have to take them yet. The question is...do I hope they come today or tomorrow or Monday or never...

 

:)

Update #32: Yuck

Well.  Not so easy today.  A few tears shed and perhaps many more in the coming days as the reality sets in. 

 

Bottom-line:  Chemo starts Friday.  However, it's a pill form of chemo called Xeloda that doesn't have as bad of side effects as some of the chemo drugs.  One of the biggest perks (but, really, is anything a "perk" when it comes to chemo?!?) is that I won't lose my hair.  The blond pony tail stays.   That has to be something I celebrate, because there's not much else that's easy to cheer over.   I won't go into the list of side effects...who wants to hear those things.

 

Hmm....what do I do tomorrow in advance of "X-Day" starting?

 

Not totally sure, but you bet it will include a stop to Cold Stone Creamery for a dish of Mud Pie Mojo. 

 

I'll keep you posted. 

 

Love to you all,

Kristie

Tomorrow

Okay...the pit is starting in my stomach about tomorrow. 

 

Going to Roswell tomorrow (Wed) around 12:30 to meet with my doctor to hear the results of my scans that I had on Friday.  As you may or may not know/remember...my tumor markers have been climbing each month so the efficacy of my current treatment plan is in question.  At tomorrow's meeting, my doctor may or may not recommend a change to my treatment plan.  If it's a change, then the only conventional medical options I have remaining all center around different chemotherapy, or possibly radiation, options.

 

Ugh.

Who wants that?

Not me.

Not ever.

As surprising as it may be to you, I look much better with hair.  Bald is not a look a pull off very well...and I have the pictures from 11 years ago to prove it!  :)

 

Hate to be a pain, but I would greatly appreciate prayer tomorrow.  

Thanks friends.

K.

Messages Available



 Hi all...

Some of you requested that I let you know if/when there was going to be a recording available of the talks that Chad and I gave this past weekend at our church.  The church did, in fact, video them and they were posted to our church's website last night.  I will tell you that I watched them and it probably was a mistake because I learned two things: (1) I can make some funny faces at times and (2) I am, apparently, a total "use my hands when I talk" girl!  So much so that Chad asked if I was interpreting for the deaf during my talks because it was just so distracting to see my hands flying all over the place!!! 

All in all, the weekend for me was tiring but a well-timed gift.  It was a gift to me to participate in something like this.  For those of you who were there to see 1 (or 3 as some die-hard supporters did) of the talks, you have been incredibly encouraging to me.  And not just telling me that I did a "good job," but telling me that you learned something or that you came away with a new understanding.  That's just cool.  I'm grateful for that.

So...IF you're interested in watching, here's what you'll find on the website.  When you click on this link (http://www.wchguest.org/#/online-messages) you'll come to a landing page.  Click on the "Launch Sermon Player".  There will be a total of 5 videos that you can watch if you want to. 

The first video is Chad's 5-6 minute intro video.  This was played at each service just prior to me walking up to the front to speak.  Gotta warn you: it still puts a lump in my throat when I see it.

The next four videos are of the talks that I gave. Each is between 15-18 minutes long. 

Message #1 - 6:30 PM Sat:  Elijah - Part I

Message #2 - 9:30 AM Sun:  Elijah - Part II

Message #3 - 9:45 AM Sun:  The 2 Disciples and the Colt

Message #4 - 11 AM Sun:  Mary, Martha and Lazarus

I hope that the sound and the audio are aligned when you watch it.  If it's not, I would highly recommend closing your eyes because the "flying around hands", not timed with the sound, is just down right embarrassing!

Again, thanks for all your encouragement.

Kristie

P.S.  For those of you who pay extra close attention to the details of our life...I just called today to push off for a week my scans and, thus, the follow-up appointment with my doctor.   I decided that, if I didn't absolutely have to, I didn't want to spend a full day of the last week of summer vacation at Roswell being scanned.  When I asked my doctor if I could do this and she said it would be fine to do, I hung up and cried a few tears.  I am just THRILLED that now I do not need to be scanned until after the kids go back to school (9/9) and won't get the results until the following Wednesday (9/14). 

Update #31

I'm at my parents' cottage.  Watching the sun burn off the fog.  Beautiful.

I should be putting the finishing touches on the messages that I'm going to be giving at our church this weekend; after all, the first service starts in just 12 hours!

Instead, I wanted to share something with you.  Hope you don't mind.

 

Chad has already completed his part of the time we're spending in front of our church. He's going a 5 minute video introduction that tells our story from his perspective. This will be shown just prior to when I walk up to the front of the church and share a 20 minute message.

 

I'm a bit crazy, but there are actually four messages - a different one for each service -  that I'm going to giving (unless I chicken out and decide it's too hard after all).  

 

My friend Audrey asked me yesterday why?

It's a good question. 

 

Why?

 

Glutton for punishment?

Wanting to be a superstar?

Naturally competitive and just wanting to see if I can do it?

Preparing for a published sermon series?

 

I've wondered myself. 

I've just had the general sense that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

 

This morning I think I finally got the crystal clear answer:  Because each helps me -  and may help those who hear it  -  with four key statements that I've said to God over and over again over the past two plus years. Most of the time through tears or frustration.  Sometimes through weariness, doubt, desperation, even anger at times.  

 

I think this has been and is all about God saying to me, "Kristie, I've heard your questions and your protests countless times. I've heard you each and every time.  Are you finally ready to listen to my response? It's been there, in My Word, all along.  Are you finally ready to see it? Trust it?"

 

Phew. 

 

So...here are those four statements:

Message #1:  I want more.  Despite what I know you've provided for me, I want even more.

Message #2:  I've had enough. Make it stop; I don't want to do this anymore.

Message #3:  I don't understand what you're doing, Lord. What the heck are you doing?

Message #4:  This is hard, really hard.  How much harder does this have to get before you'll rescue me?

 

Okay.  Back to the preparations.  Kinda important since I haven't even really started message #4 yet. 

Yes, I know, it's tomorrow morning. 

Don't freak me out by reminding me!

 

Kristie

Again, if you'd like to come this weekend, the services times are:

Tonight at 6:30 PM and tomorrow at 9:30, 9:45, and 11 AM. All but the 9:45 are contemporary services in the big Worship Center.

Wesleyan Church of Hamburg 4995 McKinley Parkway Hamburg, NY. 

http://www.wchamburg.org/

Childcare/kids Sunday school at all services. 

Update #30

Wow.  30 updates.  That's a lot. This one is a quick one, I promise.  After all, it is summer and who wants to be stuck in front of their computer reading when there are fun things to be done outside!

 

Little update on my health:  Not much has changed. Tumor markers still climbing. I'll go in next Wednesday for my next injections, blood work and doctor's visit. And they will schedule my next set of scans for the end of August  (yuck!).   I feel good. I just have some  aches in my back/hip that - while they don't really interfere with life - they cause me to not really "forget" about my diagnosis and remind me that things are still "not right" inside my body. 

 

Little update on Laura:  Most of you know or know of my best friend Laura and her two-year experience with cancer.  If you haven't heard her about the new challenges that lie before her, here is her caringbridge website (www.caringbridge.org/visit/laurarider).  Take a quick read; it's worth your while and we would both appreciate your prayers for her and her family - especially her mother-in-law, Anne Rider, who was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia a couple of weeks ago.  BTW - If you haven't had the pleasure of meeting Laura yet, you are SO missing out.  Words truly cannot describe how wonderful she is; I just love her to pieces. 

 

Little Update on a "fun" thing:  A few weeks ago I received an email from our pastor in response to an update that I had sent out.  In his email, he asked me if Chad and/or I would like to speak in church in August about our experience and how it has impacted either our relationship with one another or our relationship with God.   Chad and I talked about it and agreed that we would be willing to do this.  After we said yes to what we thought was going to be a 5 minute interview type thing, we found out that we are actually giving the message.  You know...the sermon, the homily...the thing that usually only a really, really, really qualified person does. 

 

Yikes.  

Did I also happen to mention that our church has four services?  And that I have to speak in all four of them?    

Did I say, "Yikes" yet? 

 

In truth, as I anticipate this, I am both excited and scared. More excited than scared now.  But certain that I will be more scared than excited as the weekend approaches! 

I think one more "Yikes" is in order.

Yikes.

 

So, I have two invitations for you:

 

Invitation #1:  Pray.  To pray for us as you think about it. That we'll know what it is that needs to be shared.  There's lots of stuff that could be shared, but what needs to be shared for that day, for those who are attending is still unknown to me.  The idea of sharing the same thing 4x does not appeal to me at all. However, the idea of preparing four different messages is a bit daunting so who knows what will happen!

 

Invitation #2:  Come.  If you don't have a church home I'd love for you and your family to attend one of these services.  If you do have a church home and want to go on a "field trip" on Saturday or Sunday, I'd love for you to come as well.  As you might expect, there's something comforting about looking into a crowd of hundreds and seeing some familiar faces. 

 

The Weekend of August 20 and 21

 

Wesleyan Church of Hamburg 

4999 McKinley Parkway Hamburg, NY 14075 

http://www.wchamburg.org/  716.649.6335

 

Service Options:

Saturday at 6:30 PM (a band leads worship of contemporary songs)

Sunday at 9:30 in the Worship Center (same rockin' band)

Sunday at 9:45 AM in the Chapel (think organ, choir, hymns)

Sunday at 11 AM in the Worship Center (same rockin' band again)

 

If you have children, I would strongly encourage you to take advantage of the kids' Sunday school options.  They're just excellent!  Truly.  My kids love our children's program and most parents do too - and not only because of the uninterrupted hour we get, but also because we know that our kids are having fun while learning cool stuff about God.  Also, parents of babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers get pagers when you drop off your child so if the teachers need to find you they can buzz you at any place in the building.  Give me a call or shoot me an email and I can help you out if you're thinking about coming with your kiddos.

 

Thanks and enjoy the rest of this fabulous summer!

K.